There is one word in the English vocabulary that can make even the grumpiest of people smile: “vacation.” Isn’t that what we work hard for? Whether you’re a 9-5er (there’s a special place in Heaven for people who can deal with a cubicle day-to-day) or a solo entrepreneur, everyone needs a break. And why not catch that break at a hotel that is right on the beach, offers high-end spa experience, and a restaurant that will make you never want to go back home? Enter the Atlantic Hotel & Spa.

Just try and have a bad day with that view. I dare you. You can literally feel the happiness through this picture. If you can’t – then guuurrrrllll you need to look in to getting a prescription for Zoloft.

Let’s relax deeper because life is hard and you deserve a break and I’m not talking the Kit-Kat kind. The spa at Atlantic Hotel offers seven private massage and treatment rooms, including two couples rooms, his and her sauna/steam/relaxation areas, and a full-service hair and nail salon. I spend half of my life slaving over a laptop with a hunchback worthy of Quasimodo status, so the 50 minute massage that I was treated to was much needed and definitely put me into a euphoric state. You’re in good hands with the professionals at Atlantic. I arrived early and got to detox in the sauna and sample the steam room – vibe out as long as you want – the world is your oyster behind these doors. I already felt like a Queen but when I was handed a glass of champs afterwards, I definitely achieved royal status. That’s exactly how they will make you feel at the spa. Just don’t go all Queen of Hearts and start ordering “off with their heads” to all your shitty exes.

When they make you feel fancy, you gotta look and act fancy.

But any fancy bitch knows that the classiest way to drink is with a martini. So my first order of business when we got to the hotel’s premiere restaurant, Coastal, was to order one that would light up my taste buds and my yolo life. And it had cucumber so it was basically a salad so we’re all gonna count it as healthy and as long as we are all in agreement about that, then it’s fact.

I’ve always like octopus because we are both so extra – they have 8 tentacles and I have 8 stomachs.  Coastal serves theirs with fingerling potatoes and green beans, and most importantly, they cook it just right. Giving this one 8 tentacles up.

The description on the menu of the seafood salad had me about as excited as doing my taxes – “calamari, shrimp, scallops, mussels, clams, toasted garlic vinaigrette” – I’m a complicated person and it seemed so simple – but ironically that was the beauty of this dish – like a supermodel  that you love to hate, it needed no filter and no dressing up – it was delicious in its own simplicity. The seafood spoke for itself, had a very  generous portion, and made me eat my words, along with very many bites of the dish.

Swordfish Meatballs. IDK about you but when I go out to dine, I look for the most unique dish – something that I can’t get anywhere else – and for me, this was it. And along with artichoke, it came with two of my most favorite flavors – piccata and capers. #SOLD. The surprising thing for me was that they were a little bit sweet (which is usually how people describe me after getting through my bitch exterior). I’ll repeat this word – “unique” – can;t find this anywhere else, and IMO, a must-try.

One thing that I have found in my foodie adventures is that seafood restaurants tend to have better steak than steakhouses. And although I was tempted to order a fish dish, there was no chance that I was going to pass up a filet mignon crusted with gorgonzola. I mean let’s be honest – that’s the only time that the word “crusted” will ever turn you on. For my people that know how to truly order a steak (aka MEDIUM RARE THE BEST WAY), I’m gonna let you know that Coastal does it so, so right. Juicy, pink inside, paired with that creamy cheesy coating = Jill really needing that hotel room bed due to food coma.

And because gluttony is my favorite sin, I had to also order a side dish, in this case the Brussels sprouts. Good and because they are green, I’m going to once again allow us all to place this in the healthy category.

Yummy food, a spa that will make you feel like the King or Queen that you are, and a room with a view – if you’re not already booking your reservations, then you’re missing heaven on earth. (plus you don’t have to act like an angel to get here – Lord knows I never have.)

***I received complimentary noms in exchange for this post, however, you cannot bribe me with food, so all opinions are my own.