I have a hard time understanding people who are negative, unhappy, unfulfilled or are straight up cranky, because it mystifies me that they have not yet found the cure: PIZZA. Has the word “pizza” EVER made anyone unhappy? Has there ever been a time that it’s appropriate to say “no” to pizza?

Pizza is the closest thing that we have to world peace. But there are people out there who are not able to enjoy it because of allergies and dietary restrictions. Enter New River Pizza and Fresh Kitchen, the restaurant that has the long-sought remedy. Not only do they offer fresh, healthy options, but they can solve even the most complicated of restrictions, which was proven during my dinner with my bestie Shaina from Take A Bite Out Of Boca, who due to health restrictions, had forgone pizza for OVER A YEAR. I mean I’m pretty sure that that is how we torture prisoners of war and she somehow survived. But due to their vast array of gluten free, dairy free options, she was able to eat pizza again. Forget Disney’s view of “happily ever after” – THIS is the real fairytale.

I know this might be hard to digest, but there was a time in my past when french fries weren’t BAE – quesadillas were my first romance. I was pretty much as obsessed as Marky Mark in Fear. And you can’t forget your first love. However, I’ve never enjoyed a quesadilla this way – with gluten-free flour, vegan cheese and jackfruit substituting as chicken. In a blind taste test, you’d never know the difference; it’s just as satisfying, if not more. No need to head for the border fam – yo quiero New River Quesadillas.

In a world of basics, it’s crucial to stand out. The same goes for calamari. So when a restaurant takes the time to make theirs unique, I’m bound to try it. The Caribbean Calamari is a classic calamari tossed in jerk seasoning, served with banana peppers, scallions and a cherry pepper aioli, and it’s bound to be your new favorite way to eat this dish. It’s the only “jerk” that I’ll agree to a second date with.

So your friends are all about that pizza life but you’re craving something healthier. While I have yet to experience that emotion, I respect it, and there aren’t many places who cater to that. New River does and does it well. This is the Wild Caught Baked Salmon, served with spinach and quinoa salad. In a blind taste test I would be willing to bet that 99.9% of people would guess that this dish was from a 5-star seafood restaurant and not a pizza place – but that is why New River has made it a point to add “Fresh Kitchen” to their title. One bite, actually even just one look, and you see why.

Studies (aka speculations by me) show that most people would rather find the perfect pizza than a perfect soulmate. There are many people in South Florida who are from the Northeast like myself and although we appreciate the warm weather, the biggest disappointment of moving down here besides the dating pool (more like a dating puddle) is the lack of good pizza. This is a real struggle, one almost deserving of its own GoFundMe page. Me and New River – we got great news for you. Your search is OVER! This BBQ “Chicken Pizza” is made with gluten-free crust, vegan cheese, BBQ sauce, and jackfruit. I always thought that this Jill would find her Jack in form of a tall, dark, handsome trillionaire, but it turns out that my whole life I’ve just been destined for JACKfruit. Healthy pizza. I repeat – HEALTHY PIZZA. Miracles DO exist.

Our meal may have been meatless, but you know what the real meat of this blog is…. FRIES! I can barely commit to date let alone a style of fry. So lucky me, I got to sample both the french fries AND sweet potato fries. Both were cooked exactly how I prefer them – crisp outside, mushy inside. And don’t get sassy and ask me to choose a favorite between the two – that’s like a Sophie’s Choice between Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling.

It’s not science, it’s just good pizza done the right way. No matter what your restrictions, New River makes it possible for everyone to have a slice of happiness.

***I received complimentary noms in exchange for this post, however, you cannot bribe me with food, so all opinions are my own.