After quite a bit of a hiatus (TBC in another entry), your favorite snarky, sassy blogger is back! Ok, it may be a bit presumptuous of me to assume I’m your favorite. How about: that semi-punny writer that you mildly tolerate in your news feed is back – and bringing the HEAT! With the help of one of my favorites, NY Grilled Cheese Company!

I’ve been a long time fan of NY Grilled Cheese – any place with this many french fry options clearly knows the way to my heart, which is conveniently located inside my stomach. So when I was told that they added new spicy options to their menu, I grabbed my industrial sized bottle of Tums and hitched a ride on a fire truck to the Boca location, because I was ready to put out some fires (incidentally, it’s the hot firemen that make me be the one who needs to get hosed down).

Now this is my kind of mountain climbing. The FDNY fries are a colossal feat of NYGC’s signature empire waffle fries tossed in jalapeño aioli, layered slow-roasted beef brisket, decadent melted cheddar, and topped with chopped chives. It burns so good – so, so good. These babies could be a meal within themselves, but why stop there? It’s bonfire time, baby.

The FDNY Melt is the fries’ badass older brother, ya know, the one that skips math class to head out to the bleachers and smoke cigarettes before hopping on his Harley without a helmet because he’s a damn sexy rebel without a cause (Side note, don’t try that at home, kids. Stay in school. The sandwich can wait until dinner). Served with truly the best tomato soup I have ever eaten, the melt is a concoction of slow-roasted beef brisket smothered in spicy ghost pepper cheese, American cheese, jalapeño aioli, and topped off with crunchy shoestring potatoes and crispy fried onions. Did it just get hotter in here, or is it me? (Answer: it’s always me, wink wink).

The only way to finish an extra spicy meal is to finish it off with something sweet, and NYGC made sure to go all Willy Wonka on this one. The Sugar Hill Sweet Bake lives up to it’s name: velvety scratch-made hazelnut-chocolate custard, loaded with crushed Oreos, and white chocolate, then baked to perfection and drizzled with a kiss of Nutella and marshmallow sauces, all topped with crushed Oreo pieces. Diets are for very sad people. This dessert is for the happy ones. I personally ate two.

Matching myself to the decor was totally key. Overalls: Forever 21 Bag: Steve Madden

Not only is the food bomb, but the staff is some of my favorite in all of South Florida. You’ll always be greeted with someone super fabulous. Plus, because they originated in Wilton Manors, both locations let their rainbow flags fly high and have done amazing things for the LGBTQ community. They are also warriors for a body positive and treat yourself movement, and because they never want to leave anyone out, they have options for those who are vegetarian, vegan, and gluten-free. Folks, I think we’ve found our restaurant unicorn.

***I received complimentary noms in exchange for this post, however, you cannot bribe me with food, so all opinions are my own.